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We're Nearly Drowning
Feb. 5th, 2013 12:25 pmWARNING: There is some personal financial stuff here. If reading/talking about someone else's finances makes you uncomfortable, please stop reading now. I won't be offended!
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Talked to Chris last night. I relayed to him exactly what I wrote in the last post. He seemed very sad when he realized how he was treating me. He didn't apologize (he never, ever says he's sorry), but offered an explanation as to why he's been on edge: We are in some serious debt, and he doesn't know what to do to fix it. He's ashamed to be in debt again, and it's frustrating him to the point of lashing out at everyone.
He knows he's getting a raise, but doesn't know how much of one--and it won't take effect until July. He's getting less in paycheck, thanks to the new payroll taxes, plus medical insurance went up.
We have three 401k loans that require paying off (totaling $11,000), plus the money for the new windows (about $3000), and various credit cards ($3000). Our electric bill is more than $100 more per month since my brother moved in (it was at $150; it's now at $265), and now we pay for Alex's Karate class ($300 per month). This doesn't include our mortgage, the timeshare, the auto insurance, other utilities, and food.
I know it's not cool to talk about money, but there it is. We are struggling, and not going to deny it.
Gas prices are going up (it's $3.60/gal right now), and it's costing $60 to fill up my vehicle's gas tank, and $150 to fill up Chris' van. Fuel for the van lasts two weeks, while my car's fuel only lasts four days (I have to fill it 7xs per month, because I do a lot of driving). So in a month, we're paying $420 for my fuel, and $300 for his. We can't afford that, so he may start taking the bus.
We are cutting off our television, but keeping the internet; Chris needs that for work, when he *does* work from home. We are not getting rid of the timeshare; we will work around that somehow. It's the three loans, the windows, and the credit cards we have to pay off to give us some relief.
I asked him what I can do to cut costs, and while the answer was: "Stop driving so much," we both know that's not possible right now. Chris asked me to try to use the dryer less, which I can do, but there's no way around some of the other bills. We refuse to take Alex out of Karate; it's good for him. We will use our tax refund to pay one of the 401k loans and all the credit card bills.
He warned me that money is going to be severely tight until April. I understand that, I said, but definitely don't appreciate being grouched at regularly when a huge problem like this sits on him. Sure, he is the sole bread-winner, but as his wife and partner, I expect he would talk to me when the pressure becomes too much. Some times, I have good ideas--if only he'd speak about the problems.
I am guessing that once this enormous problem is resolved, we can focus on other things, like trying to repair our relationship. I just have to be patient... and I have a difficult time with that. But this is *CHRIS*, a man I love more than anyone I have ever loved, even my own kids (... I know! For shame!), so he's worth it.
*
*
*
*
*
Talked to Chris last night. I relayed to him exactly what I wrote in the last post. He seemed very sad when he realized how he was treating me. He didn't apologize (he never, ever says he's sorry), but offered an explanation as to why he's been on edge: We are in some serious debt, and he doesn't know what to do to fix it. He's ashamed to be in debt again, and it's frustrating him to the point of lashing out at everyone.
He knows he's getting a raise, but doesn't know how much of one--and it won't take effect until July. He's getting less in paycheck, thanks to the new payroll taxes, plus medical insurance went up.
We have three 401k loans that require paying off (totaling $11,000), plus the money for the new windows (about $3000), and various credit cards ($3000). Our electric bill is more than $100 more per month since my brother moved in (it was at $150; it's now at $265), and now we pay for Alex's Karate class ($300 per month). This doesn't include our mortgage, the timeshare, the auto insurance, other utilities, and food.
I know it's not cool to talk about money, but there it is. We are struggling, and not going to deny it.
Gas prices are going up (it's $3.60/gal right now), and it's costing $60 to fill up my vehicle's gas tank, and $150 to fill up Chris' van. Fuel for the van lasts two weeks, while my car's fuel only lasts four days (I have to fill it 7xs per month, because I do a lot of driving). So in a month, we're paying $420 for my fuel, and $300 for his. We can't afford that, so he may start taking the bus.
We are cutting off our television, but keeping the internet; Chris needs that for work, when he *does* work from home. We are not getting rid of the timeshare; we will work around that somehow. It's the three loans, the windows, and the credit cards we have to pay off to give us some relief.
I asked him what I can do to cut costs, and while the answer was: "Stop driving so much," we both know that's not possible right now. Chris asked me to try to use the dryer less, which I can do, but there's no way around some of the other bills. We refuse to take Alex out of Karate; it's good for him. We will use our tax refund to pay one of the 401k loans and all the credit card bills.
He warned me that money is going to be severely tight until April. I understand that, I said, but definitely don't appreciate being grouched at regularly when a huge problem like this sits on him. Sure, he is the sole bread-winner, but as his wife and partner, I expect he would talk to me when the pressure becomes too much. Some times, I have good ideas--if only he'd speak about the problems.
I am guessing that once this enormous problem is resolved, we can focus on other things, like trying to repair our relationship. I just have to be patient... and I have a difficult time with that. But this is *CHRIS*, a man I love more than anyone I have ever loved, even my own kids (... I know! For shame!), so he's worth it.
