ginawdw: (SIGH)
I believe that by trying to get rid of the spirits in the house (specifically: the boys' playroom), I inadvertently caused more problems. I didn't do anything out of the ordinary, but on February 10th, I had Alex help me hang up some glow-in-dark stars, a dream catcher, and a Pagan star symbol. We didn't cast any spells, do a blessing, or anything else... I simply wanted to help Alex try to make things a little less scary in that room; if he helped me put things up that were comforting to him, maybe he'd stop seeing things.

No... he hasn't.

And now Chris and I have been seeing/hearing things. Oh, joy.

I am getting tired of hearing heavy footfalls upstairs in our bedroom (we keep the door closed ALWAYS) when I'm alone and the cats are sleeping in the living room (where I spend most of my days) or in the boys' room, laying on the beds (I spot them in there when I go to investigate the noises). I can usually tell when the cats are wrestling with each other; there's scrambling, bumping, and light body slams against the floor, sometimes yowling. What I hear is entirely different, like someone is getting out of my bed and stomping around--like Chris is up there, but I *know* he's at work.

Chris has been hearing scratching noises (which may be mice, but he doesn't want to rule out anything just yet). I've seen something TWICE in our bedroom, something about the same size as me, and it seems female in nature. Alex saw a young woman (not a little girl) in his playroom, putting things into a container. Tonight, he saw a man come up the stairs, turn right (into the sitting room), and walk toward our bedroom. He thought it was Chris' dad, but when Alex told me the man had a mustache, I knew that *wasn't* George; George never had facial hair. So, I don't know who Alex saw...

In any case, the point of this is that I think my head injury on February 11th was not an accident. I am pretty sure I closed that freezer door after I wiped it out, so *how* did it pop open and swing out just enough to be positioned right over me so I would hit it when I stood up? Be skeptical, call me crazy, or just dismiss it, but *some*thing opened that door.

Chris is concerned about Alex and I, because I have been falling deeper into Depression--and Alex has been seeing more spirits. It's possible the two are connected; I could be manifesting something... or something has moved in here and is causing me to spiral downward. I am tired more often (head injury aside), I don't want to leave the house (but when I do, I feel better), I'm more irritable, I don't want to cook/clean/interact with others in the house, I don't want to engage in intimacy with my husband (but do because I don't want to hurt his feelings)... It's becoming a real problem for me. I haven't felt suicidal, but I am definitely very unhappy.

I want to make it known that I do not do drugs, I don't smoke or drink heavily, and I don't take prescription medication beyond Lysteda (2Xs a day, for 5 days each month), so it can't possibly be any of these things affecting my moods. Perhaps a small part of it is laziness, the things I eat, or pre-pre-menopause?

Still, it doesn't hurt to be safe; I *think* Chris is going to take some time out and try to cleanse/bless the house. He's also mentioned he's going to clear out some of the junk in the house. Whatever he does, I hope it works; because whatever is here isn't hurting anyone (thankfully), but they are causing discord--and that needs to stop.


Feb. 12th, 2013 08:01 am
ginawdw: (Bad Day)
On Sunday, Chris realized he was sick, so stayed in bed for the better part of the day (after we went to the farmer's market to get fruit and veggies). Around 5 p.m., when I started making dinner, I noticed the refrigerator making a loud buzzing noise. I never heard it before, yet instinctively knew there was a serious problem. I checked inside the unit to see if anything appeared to be to thawing, and was correct; the refrigerator portion was not cold, and the stuff in the freezer was thawing. I hesitated to tell Chris, because he was sick and trying to get rest, but after an hour and a half of listening to that noise, I couldn't take it any more. When it was time for dinner, I went up to get Chris, and tell him the news: 1) it's time to eat, and 2) I think the fridge is broken.

After dinner, I cleaned off the top of the fridge, he pulled the unit away from the wall, and I got behind it to vacuum all the dust and scrub the floor. It was a real nasty mess back there, and afterwards, the compressor started to sound better, so we thought all it needed was a good cleaning. We went to bed, thinking we'd probably have to get a new fridge, because getting the compressor fixed on this one was going to cost about the same. He researched refrigerators before he fell asleep, and realized it would be about $500--money which we didn't have currently.

I woke up at 5:45 the next morning, because I needed to leave at 6:30 a.m. to drive to Middletown to get Jacquie's husband to work, and I wanted some hot tea before I left. When I entered the kitchen, I heard the loud, buzzing noise again, and thought: "Oh, crap, how long has that been going on?" I checked the unit, and everything in the freezer was more than partially thawed; our ice cream had leaked out all over the bottom of the freezer. Panicked, I cleaned off the large chest freezer (also in the kitchen), and started taking things from the small freezer and putting it in the big one. I wiped it out, so the ice cream wouldn't cause more problems, and then closed the door.

Or so I thought.

I opened the fridge door, bent down to get a gallon of milk and a couple of items to put in the chest freezer, and STOOD UP.

However, the door to the freezer was partially opened and the left side of my head slammed into it.

I dropped to the floor, seeing stars. I felt nauseous and panicked a little more: I couldn't throw up! I had to leave at 6:30 to go to Middletown. I started to cry, though, because the pain was so great, and after a few moments, found an ice pack and sat in the living room. I talked to my brother, who leaves for work at 6:30, and we discussed the abdication of the current Catholic Pope. He then left, and I did about 5 minutes later. My head hurt, but I chalked it up to stupid clumsiness; I'd hit my head before, and figured I'd be okay once I got back home, got some food and drink and took ibuprophen.

I realized I was greatly mistaken when I was almost to Jacquie's house. My head hurt so much, and my vision was getting slightly blurry, and it was hard to move my head, limbs, and eyes. I could barely speak, because it would hurt my head. I nearly fell asleep four times while driving, and could have killed people. As soon as I dropped Jacquie's husband off, I called Chris, crying. I told him what had happened. He was so sick and could barely breathe, the poor guy. He was in no shape to take the kids to school, so I did. I pulled up into the driveway, honked the horn, and they came out, and I whisked them off.

Yes, I put more people in danger. Not at all smart, but that "I have to do this, because people are expecting it" feeling took over.

I finally got home, around 9:00 a.m., and in so much pain and completely exhausted, peeled off my clothes, and climbed into bed next to Chris. Around 11:00 a.m., I woke again, this time with my head hurting so much more; my neck, left shoulder, and spine were throbbing with pain as well.

I stayed in my bedroom for as long as possible, because it was dark and quiet. Chris gave me ibuprophen and I thought that would do the trick. I still hadn't eaten, so went into the kitchen to make soup because Chris wasn't feeling well. I had to close my eyes to slits, because all the light was making my head hurt more, and the area where I hit my head was throbbing. Around 12:30, when it was apparent the ibuprophen wasn't working, and I was moaning in pain and stumbling around, Chris called our doctor; he was going to get an antibiotic for himself and we needed to know if I had a concussion. We couldn't be seen until 2:45, though, so I went back to sleep at 1 p.m.

At 2:00, I got up, got dressed, and went to the doctor's. Chris drove the van, because Billy would need my car to pick up Connor at 3:30 (Alex goes to Karate after school and wouldn't need picking up until 6 p.m.). I kept my head down and my hood over my face the whole time; sunlight was a terrible nuisance. Chris had to hold my arm and lead me like a blind person to the building and up to the doctor's office. I had to be examined with the lights out and the door open with the hall lights as the nurse's and doctor's only source of light.

My doctor was not happy that I didn't see him sooner, and that I drove my car after being injured. He discussed with Chris about taking me to one of three area hospitals, because he wanted me to get a CAT scan. Chris agreed to take me to Wilmington Hospital, as it was the closest.

That was *his* big mistake; we ended up sitting there for SEVEN HOURS so I could get a ten-minute CAT scan.

Chris was cross with me, only because I never told him I'd hit my head when it happened. My argument: I didn't want him to be mad that I woke him up when he wasn't feeling well. He, too, was mad at me for driving. I told him he should buy me a football helmet and bubble wrap. He replied: "Yes. I can see it now: 'This is my wife; she's special.' Well, at least I'd be able to take you anywhere!"

After all was said and done, I was diagnosed with having a concussion, was given a Percocet (1/2 last night and the other 1/2 to take today), and prescribed 600 mg of ibuprophen. I also need to get a lot of rest, I can't drive, do strenuous activity, read, watch TV, be on the computer (oops! I promise I'll get off of here when I'm finished writing), or make any important decisions. My injury can last from SEVEN TO TEN DAYS! I have to be seen by my doctor and get his approval before I can go back to doing any of my regular activities.

We didn't get home until nearly 11:00 p.m. I had something to eat, and started to go to bed, but Alex woke up, crying/screaming. He has an ear infection, and needs to see the doctor. Chris gave him ear drops, i gave him ibuprophen, and sat on the floor next to the bathtub while he let warm water cascade over him in the shower.

Billy has to get a filling done today and told me (last night) that he didn't know how to get to the dentist's office, so I wrote the directions down for him. Chris was trying to sort out stuff in the fridge, and figure out what to keep and what to toss. We both had some hot tea and a discussion about what to do; we have no money, we don't know what the hospital bill's going to look like, and we need a new fridge, and our son is ill. We are so screwed this year. I didn't get to bed until 1 a.m. I'm tired, sore, and just really unhappy.

Chris is here today, because he's still unwell, but also because someone has to be with me for 24 hours to make sure I don't have convulsions, get a bloody nose, become confused, or stop breathing. If any of those things happen, I have to go back to the hospital--probably for another seven hours. :/
ginawdw: (Road Trippin')
U.S. Route 17 runs from Winchester, Virginia to Punta Gorda, Florida. I think it would be fun (not to mention completely crazy, because of gas prices being so high) to take this drive... in the future, of course.

U.S. 17 Coastal Highway Website

Places on (or near) U.S. 17 that I'm interested in:

The Great Dismal Swamp (Suffolk, VA)

USS North Carolina (Wilmington, NC)
Airlie Gardens (Wilmington, NC)

Charleston Tea Plantation
Checking off items on the "Charleston Bucket List"

Mud Cat Charlie's (Brunswick, GA)
The Marshes of Glynn Overlook Park (Brunswick, GA)
ABA Real Barber Shop (Brunswick, GA)
Captain Stan's Smokehouse (Woodbine, GA)
Steffen's (Diner) (Kingsland, GA)
Little Catfish Creek Park (Kingsland, GA)

Mellow Mushroom (Fleming Island, FL)
De Leon Springs State Park (Deland, FL)

$100 a Day on a Southern Route (U.S. 17)

A1A Florida Scenic and Historic Coastal Highway
Amelia Island
Blowing Rock State Park
Carlin Park @ Jupiter Beach
St. Lucie County Aquarium @ South Causeway Park, Fort Pierce
Hobe Sound
Walton Rocks Beach
Vero Beach
Sebastian Inlet State Park
Historic Melbourne
Cocoa Beach

Ooooh! Emeril's Florida (Kissimmee):

And Emeril's Florida (Orlando):
ginawdw: (Me)
I made a payment on our Walt Disney World vacation. Yes, I have just complained about money, but I had $110 on my Disney Gift Card, and used a portion of that to make a small payment. I didn't use money we don't have!

It felt nice to see the amount owed come down a little bit. We will not be able to go to Walt Disney World this year, as previously planned, but we will try to pay on it when possible--like today--and change the dates before the end of June. Connor wants to go for his birthday next year, so maybe we'll aim for that. I had hoped to go for *my* birthday next year (I'll be 40!), but it looks like that's not going to happen. I have told Chris repeatedly that I do not want a party; I want to go to Walt Disney World. If we *do* go, and others want to come along, then that's fine, but we are leaving all kids at home.

On Friday, Connor is going to receive a Royal Student Award; it's for students who have demonstrated great improvement and good behaviors. He hasn't had one of those since 2nd grade, so I'm going to try my best to show up at the assembly on Friday afternoon!

I went through some of my videos and posted a few on YouTube. Today, I went to Battery Park to look around and survey/video the damage that still lingered after Hurricane Sandy. The walking path that I love so much is utterly devastated in many areas, making long walks impossible. I hope that by summertime, the path is somewhat useable. There were a few other videos, such as the boys' reaction to going to Williamsburg last December but one had Connor and I cracking up: Alex trying to lay down on a pool deck chair. It kept see-sawing, making everyone around him laugh.

I have been over-eating again. I just want to eat junk food, like cookies and Doritos, and it makes me feel guilty, but I still do it. I'm overweight, again, and see the treadmill as an enemy. I hope the weather gets better soon, because 1) I can go to orchards and pick fruits and vegetables, and 2) if I leave the house, then I won't be tempted to consume the junk food here. I should throw it away, but I can hear Chris complain that it was a waste of money...

Chris and I are attempting to scrape up a few dollars to go to this year's Philadelphia Flower Show in March. The theme is all about Britain, something I am hoping to see. We will probably have just enough to get the tickets and something to eat; there will be no souvenirs or shopping in Reading Terminal Market. I'm okay with that; I just want to take pictures.
ginawdw: (Writing)
Originally, I had written this as a text message for Chris, but after 15 pages, my phone refused to allow me to write any more. So, here it is, last night's dream.... (FYI: the "you" is Chris):

Awake, but barely. Had a series of strange dreams, but some were funny. One involved us going to [a good friend's] house, where we (the two of us, our kids, [the good friend], his wife and their two kids) all played with Play-Doh and colored with crayons. We went home (to a different house), and you and the boys went into the basement. I followed--to do laundry--and saw you had set up the area to practice derby car racing, with a blue track shaped like a puzzle maze, a dry-erase board with things to remember, and car parts spread about, ready to assemble.

I went upstairs, and found a man standing in our dining area--and he was nearly dead. He wasn't a flesh-eating zombie, merely sort-of dead. I was on the alert, and grabbed one of Chris' swords off the wall. The man begged me not to cut off all of his extremities, so I cut off his left leg, and both arms. He didn't bleed, but chuckled, and said he'd have a difficult time getting around. I joked he'd now be the that busy one-legged man in a butt-kicking contest that everyone jokes about. I left him laying on the floor, chuckling, put the sword back, and you came upstairs. We started fooling around, and out of the corner of my eye, I saw Alex peeking through the basement door at us. I grabbed your hand and dragged you upstairs, where we had our way with each other.

Just as the moment was over, my mother comes into the house with my brother, so I hurried into the shower. I remembered to take off all of my clothes, except my socks and a dozen Mardi Gras beads around my neck. Just as I get the water over my head, the bathroom door opens, and my mom and brother are in the doorway. I grabbed the shower curtain and shriek at them. My mom tells me I have a phone call from a man named Linwood. I grab a towel, wrap it around me, step out of the shower, and go into the kitchen to answer the phone.

The man on the other end begins asking questions about Slut-Bitch**; it's her father--or grandfather, I couldn't tell. He said he hadn't seen her in a long time and wanted to know how she was doing. I responded that I had not seen her, either--not since we lived with her in 1999. I went on, saying she had been a kind-of whore who slept with all kinds of guys, threw herself at you, and hated you for rejecting her, tried to turn me against you, and liked to take our portion of the rent money and not pay the bills. He was sad to hear all of this, and I felt a little twinge of guilt for telling such a story, but then he asked me about Froot Loops. I laughed, because I had a sealed cup of Froot Loops in my hand at that precise moment.

When I hung up, I got dressed, and walked out to the highway, where a walk/run was taking place on Route 13 (southbound). It was called "Lucky 13", and was a 13 miles long race. Everyone who wanted to participate needed to register and get their bibs at the tables set up at the traffic intersection near the Farmer's Market. It was a beautiful warm, day and the sun was starting to set. We were standing in the road near the airport's water fountains; people were milling about stretching, jogging in place, on bikes and scooters, with strollers, or just walking briskly. You were on your bike, encouraging me to jog, but when we reached the intersection where registration was, I realized I had not registered, and shouldn't be participating, so left.

From there, you wanted to take the kids and I for a drive, so we all bundled up and went on our way. We took my car down an unfamiliar road which was full of hills, dome buildings, and green grass/trees. You discovered you could take your keys out of my car's ignition and it would still run while your foot was on the gas pedal; stop, and it would shut off. We came to a stop sign, and you had to restart the car, then made a right turn, and there were waterfalls everywhere! You joked that you should have brought your swimming trunks.

The road seemed to become a stream, and it appeared we'd drive over a waterfall, and I wanted you to turn around but it was impossible. We started to go over the edge, but it turned into a road leading to a parking lot, and we were suddenly face-to-face with a dozen school buses coming up the hill! They veered off to the right, circling around, and we slid down the hill, and came to rest at the bottom. The line of buses came back around and passed us by, going up the hill and disappearing from sight. We drove around the parking lot and chose to drive out, using a road called Seneca Avenue. It was then that the alarm went off, and I woke up.

I can't figure out what *all* of this means, but the 12 buses seems to be (to me) 12 months and they are coming at us in a huge way, and we MUST be prepared for them. The part about going over a waterfall was us losing control and going off the deep-end. Siding down that slope was scary, but we came to a rest at the bottom, so maybe we will have 12 months of sliding down and finally, they will go away, and we will be all right. I hope so.

**Slut-Bitch's name is Stephanie, but not the Steph that I went to school with/is my friend/was my Matron of Honor. Everything I said to the man on the phone (in the dream) about Slut-Bitch is completely true.
ginawdw: (Bad Day)
WARNING: There is some personal financial stuff here. If reading/talking about someone else's finances makes you uncomfortable, please stop reading now. I won't be offended!


Talked to Chris last night. I relayed to him exactly what I wrote in the last post. He seemed very sad when he realized how he was treating me. He didn't apologize (he never, ever says he's sorry), but offered an explanation as to why he's been on edge: We are in some serious debt, and he doesn't know what to do to fix it. He's ashamed to be in debt again, and it's frustrating him to the point of lashing out at everyone.

He knows he's getting a raise, but doesn't know how much of one--and it won't take effect until July. He's getting less in paycheck, thanks to the new payroll taxes, plus medical insurance went up.

We have three 401k loans that require paying off (totaling $11,000), plus the money for the new windows (about $3000), and various credit cards ($3000). Our electric bill is more than $100 more per month since my brother moved in (it was at $150; it's now at $265), and now we pay for Alex's Karate class ($300 per month). This doesn't include our mortgage, the timeshare, the auto insurance, other utilities, and food.

I know it's not cool to talk about money, but there it is. We are struggling, and not going to deny it.

Gas prices are going up (it's $3.60/gal right now), and it's costing $60 to fill up my vehicle's gas tank, and $150 to fill up Chris' van. Fuel for the van lasts two weeks, while my car's fuel only lasts four days (I have to fill it 7xs per month, because I do a lot of driving). So in a month, we're paying $420 for my fuel, and $300 for his. We can't afford that, so he may start taking the bus.

We are cutting off our television, but keeping the internet; Chris needs that for work, when he *does* work from home. We are not getting rid of the timeshare; we will work around that somehow. It's the three loans, the windows, and the credit cards we have to pay off to give us some relief.

I asked him what I can do to cut costs, and while the answer was: "Stop driving so much," we both know that's not possible right now. Chris asked me to try to use the dryer less, which I can do, but there's no way around some of the other bills. We refuse to take Alex out of Karate; it's good for him. We will use our tax refund to pay one of the 401k loans and all the credit card bills.

He warned me that money is going to be severely tight until April. I understand that, I said, but definitely don't appreciate being grouched at regularly when a huge problem like this sits on him. Sure, he is the sole bread-winner, but as his wife and partner, I expect he would talk to me when the pressure becomes too much. Some times, I have good ideas--if only he'd speak about the problems.

I am guessing that once this enormous problem is resolved, we can focus on other things, like trying to repair our relationship. I just have to be patient... and I have a difficult time with that. But this is *CHRIS*, a man I love more than anyone I have ever loved, even my own kids (... I know! For shame!), so he's worth it.
ginawdw: (Bad Day)
I spoke too soon. Of course I did... I always do.

I'm being disrespected by *all* the men in my house.

You know, I get that my brother pokes fun and says stuff; I grew up with him and we've always done that. But when my husband levels accusations like I don't know how to have fun, or I don't relax and enjoy the moment, or some other thing to make me feel bad about myself, I tend to get emotional--and quiet, because occasionally I don't want to say something that'll get flung back at me (which occurs often). When that happens, he says I don't communicate properly.

He's so logical and sometimes I swear he's void of all emotions but exasperation. Seriously, I can't win.

Then my oldest son laughs at me whenever possible. I have been made fun of entirely too many times. I'm not super-intelligent; I try to be, but mostly I'm an emotional woman, and that gets the better of me, and when I'm not trying to be quiet, I go all over the other end of the scale and *quite* often that "think before you speak" gets tossed out the window and those emotions speak before my brain has a handle on things.

And the two youngest really haven't done a whole lot to make things easier. I am still getting on them about stuff they are supposed to do--stuff they should all ready know about because I *tell them all the time* to do those things. but when I lose my cool and scream, I'm being "ridiculous" (my husband's word).

This morning, I told my husband about the kids having certain days off this month. I have the calendars color coordinated, so I know what's going on. I did not tell anyone what the colors meant, but when anyone who lives here (with a paying job) looks at it, they should automatically know what days they get paid, and if there is a green mark on it, green = pay day. NO ONE has asked what the other things mean. So when my husband makes a snide remark about not understanding the colors, it's *my* fault for not putting up a key/guide. Okay, I accept I should have done that, but everyone has a mouth and is quick to make a rude-ish comment about my emotional behavior, but can't ask what things mean on a calendar. Classy.

On top of all of this, I told my husband to leave open the weekend of Valentine's Day. Here's what I thought: It's a holiday especially set aside for people to express their love a bit more than usual, so I thought (stupidly), that maybe my husband and I could do something together because we haven't properly celebrated Valentine's Day or our anniversaries in a while. Yes, we've gone away, but almost always with the kids. I just wanted to spend time with him, alone, and thought he'd get the message.

He didn't, of course. When I said, "leave Valentine's weekend open", he sighed angrily, and said something akin to I don't speak up and he's not a mind reader. Not those words, but it was more like he was saying that I expected him to know what was going on that weekend but wasn't saying anything about it.

Yes. Yes, I do expect it. He's a man, I'm a woman. We are married. We don't spend a lot of time together showing affection. And sex? That's a laugh. Sex hasn't been fun for me, because when it does happen (and it's not been often) it's late at night, hurried, and usually he's the one achieving orgasm, because I'm too tired or concerned my brother or the kids will hear us. What's wrong with maybe spending a night in a hotel every so often to mix it up a little, and to try to spend time together expressing our love without inhibitions? I guess I expect too much; I'm not being "realistic".

But I digress. I didn't say why I wanted him to leave that weekend open, because we spoke about that subject yesterday; I asked him what the plan was for Valentine's Day, and he said he didn't know (I said the same; it's on a weekday, so makes planning anything a bit difficult). So I thought (again, stupidly) that maybe we can decide a little later and try to do something that weekend.

He also says there's always too much to do and that if he leaves any of it for others, it doesn't get done properly--if at all. So he's always pissy because he's always fixing things/cleaning up around here. He says he's tired of the never-ending crap that he has to do. And he accuses *me* about being controlling and picking up after the boys and being cranky about it. He's the same way, but I can't point that out. He's no longer the kind man I remember from a few years ago. I've told him I can't really talk to him anymore. He sighs or tells me I'm repeating the same things and it's getting old.

It's little wonder, because nothing is changing; I'm saying the same things repeatedly because I've seen no change. He's still spending more time with work (yes, I know... because we have lots of bills to pay), lodge, Scouts, this house, or other friends. I've told him that if we could set aside a few weekends a year to be together, just us, it would help me be happy, and give me something to look forward to.

However... sometimes, I wish we could spontaneously run away together (for a weekend). That's romantic to me. That shows me he cares about our relationship and wants to keep it healthy. But it's dying. He's tired of me and my emotional immaturity, unrealistic expectations, and Depression. I'm tired of his superior attitude, his mocking or accusing me, and him making wistful comments about a peaceful life and about the cost of things. It's true, I don't have a good grasp on being in debt, but I want to. He says he's not taking anyone's crap anymore, and I think he's hardened himself a towards everyone, including me. Our relationship if failing, and we're both at fault. :(
ginawdw: (Me)
I have bronchitis (my doctor says it's just severe enough to be called pneumonia) and am taking Levaquin, which is also used to treat clamydia, anthrax, and the plague (*none* of which I have!).

Alex has improved his attitude a little, but still needs lots of work. He still touches things that don't belong to him and still has many sentences to write. Connor is getting better, too, but needs work on his focusing on homework and reading. Connor's teacher said (in last night's conference) that he has improved greatly in math and writing, but is still behind in reading, and has been given a warning hat he may be assigned to the next grade, instead of promoted. I meet with Alex's teacher in a few hours (provided I can breathe through my nose!) to find out what the deal is with him.

We filed our taxes, but the federal refund we should be receiving isn't going to come to us until March at the earliest. Normally, we get our refund in two weeks, but because Congress played around at the end of 2012, the IRS had its hands tied and now everything is backed up. Our state refund should be coming to us within two weeks (we hope), so we can pay off bills (mostly credit cards).

Two nights ago, Alex saw something in his playroom (around 4 a.m.), and it looked to be human. He woke up his brother and told him it was there, but when Connor looked, it disappeared--as Alex was watching it. This freaked Alex out more than anything, and he started screaming, which drew my attention. I was already up (thanks to being congested), so I ran into the room to check on them. Connor and Alex ended up sleeping in our room for the remainder of the night. Last night, there was no problem, because I instructed Connor to close the door to the playroom.

I have no doubt that Alex saw something; when I had woken an hour earlier, I had walked past something in my own bedroom. I felt a chill run through me, the hairs on my arm and neck stood up, and I paused briefly, then kept going until reaching the bathroom (although I was spooked, I really had to pee!), where I flipped on the light and looked back into the bedroom. Nothing was there, but it certainly looked as though something (side of a head and a shoulder about my height) was leaning toward me when I paused. My bedroom isn't immersed in complete darkness each night; I have thin curtains, and one of my neighbors has a floodlight they keep on a few nights a week. It's not difficult to see where things are in my room at night. So if something out of the ordinary is in the room, it's pretty noticeable. Anyway... I kept the bathroom light on the ENTIRE night--even after the kids came into the room, because I was a little unnerved.

In the morning, I videotaped the boys telling me their version of events, so some of my friends could see and tell me what they thought. One said it could be either a spirit passing through, attracted to my house because of Alex's enormous amounts of energy, or it's a manifestation of my own making, because I have been angry, tired, and depressed A LOT lately. Mostly angry, because of the disrespect I get from my kids. I hope the latter isn't true.

Took Connor and Billy to the mall yesterday (yes, I'm sick and there I go, spreading germs), where I added a few more dollars to my Disney gift card. I'm at $90, now; Connor has $40, and Alex has $55. My goal (as is both the boys) is $200.

My car is fixed; Chris couldn't afford to make one whole payment of $400, so asked the mechanic if he could pay in installments. Luckily, the mechanic said yes, because Chris has been a long-time loyal customer, so I got my car back yesterday and it has heat. It *did* need a new belt and thermostat, but the housing for the thermostat was also bad, as was the water pump. Now, it's all new! The mechanic's assistant praised the car for it's condition, despite being so old. :)
ginawdw: (Default)
Our two youngest sons have trampled over me for the last time. I am tired of the disrespect received from them when it comes to... well, just about everything.

I cook for them, and one (sometimes both) doesn't even want to make an effort to eat it. I wash, fold, and hang their laundry, and they just toss it under beds, in the closet (on the floor), and then tell me a day later they have no clean clothes. They hide food in their room (and weapons, apparently, as evidenced by Chris' Japanese sword found under Alex's bed!). Homework doesn't get done. They aren't reading as required by their teachers. They fight each other, sass us and their teachers, torment our pets, become glued to the TV, computer, or DS, run though stores, don't keep their room clean or do their one or two chores.

In essence, they are like little animals.

To combat this, I have taken things from them. I gave them a dozen copy paper boxes, and instructed the pair to fill them up with everything they had in their playroom: trains, tracks, action figures, stuffed animals, night lights, DVD player, TV, Wii system and games, CD player and audio books, DS and games, Legos... the only things I left for them were paper and crayons, board games, one card game, and many, many books.

We took the items to my mother's house in order to squelch the temptation to sneak into the basement to take back their stuff.

If they continue, I will take the remaining items left behind... but not the books. Those stay.

After that, I take their dressers and bed frames.

If they are even more determined to be little beasts, they will not be allowed to vacation with us this year. I will send them to my mother's, where I know they will not have any fun.

I dislike resorting to this, but must show them they need to be better behaved and nicer to me, someone who cares for them 24/7.
ginawdw: (Summer)
This list is a compilation of three that I found on the internet today. At the end, I've added a few of my own. I hope to visit as many of these places as possible with my kids before all three are no longer residing with us.

- SEA TURTLE WATCH at Merritt Island National Wildlife Refuge, TITUSVILLE, FL (38 miles from ORLANDO);
- VENICE BEACH, CA (14 miles from LOS ANGELES)
- THE GRAND CANYON, AZ (228 miles from PHOENIX),

... and a few of my own:

- Disneyland, Anaheim, CA
- Hoover Dam, NV
- The Gateway Arch, St. Louis, MO
- The Liberty Bell, Philadelphia, PA
- The Wildwoods, NJ
- Gettysburg, PA
- Monticello, Charlottesville, VA
- Coral Castle Museum, Homestead, FL
- South of the Border, Dillon, SC
- Wall Drug, Wall, SD
- Cape May Zoo, Cape May, NJ
- Bronner's Christmas World, Frankenmuth, MI (the world's biggest Christmas shop)
- Halloween Outlet, Worcester, MA (the largest Halloween shop ever!)
- Four Corners, UT
- Mall of America, Bloomington, MN (the largest mall in the USA)
- Ron Jon's Surf Shop, Cocoa Beach, FL (it's open 24 hours/7 days a week!)
- The National Constitution Center, Philadelphia, PA
ginawdw: (Wine Glass)
[Error: unknown template qotd] The Duchess of Cambridge, Catherine Middleton.

Also, Jonathon Young (aka 'Nikola Tesla' of Syfy's "Sanctuary"), Gabriel Mann (plays 'Nolan Ross' on ABC's "Revenge") and Lana Parrilla ('Evil Queen/Regina Mills' on ABC's "Once Upon a Time").
ginawdw: (Book Love)
[Error: unknown template qotd]I wrote this poem in my junior year of high school (and shared it with my English class), after my mother grumbled many-a-time about her rotten luck. Now that *I'm* an adult, I seem to suffer from it, too, haha.


Bank or store, it matters not,
It's just a talent that I've got.
It's something that I do just fine,
I always pick the slowest line.

--RMF (1991)


ginawdw: (Default)

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