ginawdw: (Bad Day)
WARNING: There is some personal financial stuff here. If reading/talking about someone else's finances makes you uncomfortable, please stop reading now. I won't be offended!

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Talked to Chris last night. I relayed to him exactly what I wrote in the last post. He seemed very sad when he realized how he was treating me. He didn't apologize (he never, ever says he's sorry), but offered an explanation as to why he's been on edge: We are in some serious debt, and he doesn't know what to do to fix it. He's ashamed to be in debt again, and it's frustrating him to the point of lashing out at everyone.

He knows he's getting a raise, but doesn't know how much of one--and it won't take effect until July. He's getting less in paycheck, thanks to the new payroll taxes, plus medical insurance went up.

We have three 401k loans that require paying off (totaling $11,000), plus the money for the new windows (about $3000), and various credit cards ($3000). Our electric bill is more than $100 more per month since my brother moved in (it was at $150; it's now at $265), and now we pay for Alex's Karate class ($300 per month). This doesn't include our mortgage, the timeshare, the auto insurance, other utilities, and food.

I know it's not cool to talk about money, but there it is. We are struggling, and not going to deny it.

Gas prices are going up (it's $3.60/gal right now), and it's costing $60 to fill up my vehicle's gas tank, and $150 to fill up Chris' van. Fuel for the van lasts two weeks, while my car's fuel only lasts four days (I have to fill it 7xs per month, because I do a lot of driving). So in a month, we're paying $420 for my fuel, and $300 for his. We can't afford that, so he may start taking the bus.

We are cutting off our television, but keeping the internet; Chris needs that for work, when he *does* work from home. We are not getting rid of the timeshare; we will work around that somehow. It's the three loans, the windows, and the credit cards we have to pay off to give us some relief.

I asked him what I can do to cut costs, and while the answer was: "Stop driving so much," we both know that's not possible right now. Chris asked me to try to use the dryer less, which I can do, but there's no way around some of the other bills. We refuse to take Alex out of Karate; it's good for him. We will use our tax refund to pay one of the 401k loans and all the credit card bills.

He warned me that money is going to be severely tight until April. I understand that, I said, but definitely don't appreciate being grouched at regularly when a huge problem like this sits on him. Sure, he is the sole bread-winner, but as his wife and partner, I expect he would talk to me when the pressure becomes too much. Some times, I have good ideas--if only he'd speak about the problems.

I am guessing that once this enormous problem is resolved, we can focus on other things, like trying to repair our relationship. I just have to be patient... and I have a difficult time with that. But this is *CHRIS*, a man I love more than anyone I have ever loved, even my own kids (... I know! For shame!), so he's worth it.
ginawdw: (Me)
I have bronchitis (my doctor says it's just severe enough to be called pneumonia) and am taking Levaquin, which is also used to treat clamydia, anthrax, and the plague (*none* of which I have!).

Alex has improved his attitude a little, but still needs lots of work. He still touches things that don't belong to him and still has many sentences to write. Connor is getting better, too, but needs work on his focusing on homework and reading. Connor's teacher said (in last night's conference) that he has improved greatly in math and writing, but is still behind in reading, and has been given a warning hat he may be assigned to the next grade, instead of promoted. I meet with Alex's teacher in a few hours (provided I can breathe through my nose!) to find out what the deal is with him.

We filed our taxes, but the federal refund we should be receiving isn't going to come to us until March at the earliest. Normally, we get our refund in two weeks, but because Congress played around at the end of 2012, the IRS had its hands tied and now everything is backed up. Our state refund should be coming to us within two weeks (we hope), so we can pay off bills (mostly credit cards).

Two nights ago, Alex saw something in his playroom (around 4 a.m.), and it looked to be human. He woke up his brother and told him it was there, but when Connor looked, it disappeared--as Alex was watching it. This freaked Alex out more than anything, and he started screaming, which drew my attention. I was already up (thanks to being congested), so I ran into the room to check on them. Connor and Alex ended up sleeping in our room for the remainder of the night. Last night, there was no problem, because I instructed Connor to close the door to the playroom.

I have no doubt that Alex saw something; when I had woken an hour earlier, I had walked past something in my own bedroom. I felt a chill run through me, the hairs on my arm and neck stood up, and I paused briefly, then kept going until reaching the bathroom (although I was spooked, I really had to pee!), where I flipped on the light and looked back into the bedroom. Nothing was there, but it certainly looked as though something (side of a head and a shoulder about my height) was leaning toward me when I paused. My bedroom isn't immersed in complete darkness each night; I have thin curtains, and one of my neighbors has a floodlight they keep on a few nights a week. It's not difficult to see where things are in my room at night. So if something out of the ordinary is in the room, it's pretty noticeable. Anyway... I kept the bathroom light on the ENTIRE night--even after the kids came into the room, because I was a little unnerved.

In the morning, I videotaped the boys telling me their version of events, so some of my friends could see and tell me what they thought. One said it could be either a spirit passing through, attracted to my house because of Alex's enormous amounts of energy, or it's a manifestation of my own making, because I have been angry, tired, and depressed A LOT lately. Mostly angry, because of the disrespect I get from my kids. I hope the latter isn't true.

Took Connor and Billy to the mall yesterday (yes, I'm sick and there I go, spreading germs), where I added a few more dollars to my Disney gift card. I'm at $90, now; Connor has $40, and Alex has $55. My goal (as is both the boys) is $200.

My car is fixed; Chris couldn't afford to make one whole payment of $400, so asked the mechanic if he could pay in installments. Luckily, the mechanic said yes, because Chris has been a long-time loyal customer, so I got my car back yesterday and it has heat. It *did* need a new belt and thermostat, but the housing for the thermostat was also bad, as was the water pump. Now, it's all new! The mechanic's assistant praised the car for it's condition, despite being so old. :)

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ginawdw

February 2013

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